


Remembrance

by TheWorstWriter (Hinata_Carriedo_Vargas)



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, From Levi to Erwin, M/M, Oneshot, Rape is mentioned but not described, Sad, Something I wrote while my internet was down, Suicide Attempt, lovely babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4402208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hinata_Carriedo_Vargas/pseuds/TheWorstWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just like a little letter Levi would've written to Erwin in this idea I had. Just a dumb little thing I made up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remembrance

I remember when we were little, we'd play together while our moms talked in the garden. I remember how you always let me play with the blue power ranger even though it was your favorite. You've always spoiled me. 

I remember our first sleepover, how you were so excited to show me all of your favorite toys. I remember that night, when we both admitted to being afraid of the dark and we clung to each other while we slept. 

I remember the year after that when my dad left. I remember the way my mom kept me home and away from you, trying to explain why dad was never coming back and why she wanted me to stay home. I never understood.

I remember when mom had to start going back to work and how your mom started babysitting me. I remember the way your eyes lit up and when you saw me and how you wanted to play so bad. You kept asking questions, why I was gone for so long, what happened, did I miss you. And then I remember how I wouldn't go into your room and yelled at you when questioned. I remember how sad you looked as you tried to cheer me up, and I remember how I started crying on your floor.  
I remember that you looked so confused... But you comforted me all the same. I remember how I explained what happened, how dad was gone and I was so confused, and I remember how you reassured me it'd all be alright.

I remember how quick the next nine years went, but then I remember when I was fifteen. I remember that sleepover. I remember you had gone to bed first and I only settled next to you and hour later. I remember admiring your skin, I remember staring at your face as you took every breath.  
Then I remember how I kissed you, and I didn't stop. I remember how soft your lips were, how peaceful you looked in your sleep. I remember when you woke up too, the most sleepy and dazed look in your eyes when you kissed me again. I remember the way you made love to me after that. It was clumsy, sloppy, and hurt a little more than I had expected, but it was your first time too, I couldn't blame you. I remember the way you took care of me after, showering me with kisses, and I remember the cold emotions that came with morning.  
I remember how if I tried to kiss you you'd move away, if I tried to speak of it you'd ignore me, and when I asked if we were dating, I remember the stern yet sad look you gave me. I remember how your parents weren't exactly fond of men who liked other men, and I remember how you told me that you weren't gay. I remember how upset I was, the way I argued with you, the way you ignored my every concern and brushed me off. I remember walking back home that day, angry yet depressed. I remember when you called me that night, speaking in a calm voice while you said you didn't want to talk about the night before, and you didn't want things between us to change at all.

 

I remember that I was disappointed, but I went along with it for your sake. Even with thoughts of you kissing me and caressing me in the back of my mind, we still went along as normal. I remember the next time we had sex, this time it was night and you had caught me trying to fall asleep. I remember how you leaned over and pecked my lips. I also remember the way I pulled you closer and begged for more. You were better at it that time, it felt amazing. I remember how we didn't speak of it the next day. Or any day after that. I remember how the habit of having sex grew every time we had a sleepover and I remember how we always ignored the fact that something happened.

It was a year after that when I was sixteen. I remember being introduced to my new step father. He didn't look like much, but he made my mother happy and he was a doctor so he brought in plenty of money. I remember the first time my mother was at work and he was home, I remember the way he punched me when I refused to go out and buy him a pack of beer. When he left to get it himself I went upstairs in a shocked state of mind. I remember the soft, comforting words you spoke as you gave me advice. I remember speaking to my mother about it, only to be ignored and running to your house in rage. I remember how you hid and kept me there as long as you could, protecting me.

I remember when they found the two of us out and how much trouble we had gotten into. I remember how the first night I got back to my home how my stepdad came into my room that night and violated my body. He did things you had done before, but this wasn't you and it was disgusting. I remember trying to insist to my mom how horrible he was and that I wanted him gone. I remember being ignored. Then, I slowly got more quiet, more grumpy, but you still treated me the same. I remember how you'd beat up anyone at school who dared make fun of me, even if you were a grade older. I remember that even if we weren't together, you made me feel loved.

I remember how you comforted me constantly, how broken my home had become. I remember learning the word rape and understanding the difference between what we did and what my stepdad did to me every night. But every night you comforted me over the phone. You were my rock.

I remember during spring break how your family was going upstate to go see other family. I remember how you told me they were a bunch of racist, old, white people and you'd much rather stay here with me instead, but we both knew you couldn't. I remember crying when you left my house that night. I remember how the week that followed was horrible.

There was no escape, you were my only friend and I couldn't be anywhere besides home.

It was horrible, fighting with my step dad, being hit, being raped, being ignored, just being tortured on a daily basis without anyone to hold me down, no one to comfort or love me. I remember the negative thoughts that filled my head. I remember how hard I tried to keep going for you, the struggle I tried my best to endure so that I could see your face again. But at the same time, I remember that half way through the week, on that Wednesday I wrote a note to you and slid it into your bedroom window.

I remember locking the door, setting up my chair under a noose that I had tied to a beam. I stood on the chair, and that was when I heard the loudest crash through my window. I remember you yelling at me, holding me, kissing me, and I remember how you cried. When I asked why you were home you explained that you had been since last night, but you had been grounded for getting into an argument with your grandmother and having to leave.

I remember how you told me you loved me, that you could never lose me. I remember how you kissed me that night. You didn't touch me in any sexual way, you just laid with me and whispered things into my ears, continuously kissing me over and over and over again.

I remember the next morning, the way you stormed out of my house and went to your own, dragging me along. I remember the way you told your mother everything about my living situation. I remember the shocked look on her face as she called child services and took me into her home. You gave me hope. I lived with you, you admitted your sexuality to yourself and never wanted to leave me alone or let go of me. You didn't want anyone to hurt me ever again.

I remember staying with you and always following after you, even to college though I had to skip a grade to enter with you. I remember moving into our first apartment with you, I remember you talking on the phone with your mother that night and telling her about our relationship. I remember how upset she was, how she hung up on you and wouldn't contact you again. I knew it hurt you even if you said it was okay, that I was all of the love you needed. I remember how strongly that I felt the same though. You're all I need.

I remember how peaceful and happy our life is. And now, as I lay here beside you, kissing your forehead and tucking you into bed so that you can sleep before you have to go to work in the morning. I realize that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I could never love anyone as much as I love you.


End file.
